We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
