Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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