he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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