So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
