Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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