It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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