If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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