there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
