U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
