I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize