All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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