I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
