ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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