I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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