Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
