Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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