so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
