Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
this just has baby written all over it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
