Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
the liver wants what the liver wants
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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