I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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