By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
