What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
