her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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