well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
