You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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