Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
