forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
