i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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