I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
