they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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