similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
