the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
