and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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