She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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