oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
4 words: hood of his car
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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