i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
