i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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