I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
