he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
