ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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