WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
