I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
