Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
