I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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