It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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