I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
