We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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