i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
