NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
