why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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