Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
