I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
