"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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