Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
