Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
