he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
