Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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