Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
