How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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