I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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