You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
