I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
