Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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