She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
