Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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